Not a good thing to say to mom

The teacher was furious with her son. "Just because you've been put in my class, there's no need to think you can take liberties. You're a pig. " The boy said nothing. "Well! Do you know what a pig is? " "Yes, Mom," said the boy. "The offspring of a swine. "

Funny business signs and names

Funny business signs and names: "Perhaps nothing is more important when it comes to starting a business than naming that business. Something memorable and strong, which makes the customer feel confident in your ability to give them what they want or need. As far as that goes, all the businesses in this gallery completely failed. Really, we're sort of stunned at how any of these store owners would get past even thinking up some of these store names, let alone hire a sign-maker to fashion a sign for them while keeping a straight face. From ill-considered acronyms to unfortunate family names to just inappropriate, these stores and businesses were born under a bad sign."

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Sheldon Cooper Joke | Funny Pictures | Funny Quotes | Funny Jokes – Photos, Images, Pics

Sheldon Cooper Joke | Funny Pictures | Funny Quotes | Funny Jokes – Photos, Images, Pics:

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Funny Jokes | Church Joke | Comedy Central

Funny Jokes | Church Joke | Comedy Central: "One Sunday morning, a little girl and her mother go to church. Halfway through, the little girl tells her mother she's going to be sick. Her mother tells her to go in the bushes behind the church. The girl leaves and comes back after about five minutes. Her mother asks her if she threw up.
''Yes," the girl says. "But I didn't have to go all the way 'round the back. There was a box near the front door that said 'For the Sick.'''"

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Funny Jokes | The Boss Joke | Comedy Central

Funny Jokes | The Boss Joke | Comedy Central: "One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, ''How much is the yellow one?''
The assistant says, ''$2000.'' The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive. The assistant explains, ''This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast.''
''What about the green one?'' the man asks.
The assistant says, ''He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes.''
''What about the red one?'' the man asks.
The assistant says, ''That one's $10,000.''
The man says, ''What does HE do?''
The assistant says, ''I don't know, but the other two call him boss.''"

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Funny Jokes | Birdman Joke | Comedy Central

Funny Jokes | Birdman Joke | Comedy Central: "Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'"
Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken."
Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?"
Mother: "Because we need the eggs.""

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Funny Jokes | Bathtub Anxieties Joke | Comedy Central

Funny Jokes | Bathtub Anxieties Joke | Comedy Central: "There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath. Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy.
"Can I touch it?"
"No way -- you already broke yours off!""

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Funny Jokes | ABC Joke | Comedy Central

Funny Jokes | ABC Joke | Comedy Central: "Wilfred had just learned his abc's and was very scared of doing them in front of the class. The teacher, though, told him that the best way to conquer his fears would be to just go ahead and do it. So, trembling, he stood in front of the class and began.
"ABCDEFGHIJLKMNOQRSTUVWXYZ."
"Very good, Wilfred. But you forgot the P. Where's the P?
"It's running down my leg.""

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Barbie

Have You heard about the new Divorce Barbie Doll? It comes with all of Ken's stuff!

Stupid

Two Italian construction workers were in the field on an extremely hot day working.. the one says to the other "Hey, how come we do all a da work and he gets all a da money? " pointing to the supervisor. The other says, "I don't know, go ask him. " So Guido goes up to the supervisor and says "Hey, how come we do all a da work and you get all a da money? " The supervisor says "Intelligence ". Guido says "What is this intelligence? " The supervisor puts his hand on a tree and says "Hit a my hand as hard as you can! " Guido winds up and with all his might tries to hit the supervisors hand. Just as he almost does the supervisor pulls his hand away and Guido hits the tree! The supervisor says "That's intelligence ". Still smarting Guido goes back to his co-worker and his co-worker says "Hey, what did he say? " With a sheepish look on his face Guido puts his hand on his face and says "Hit a my hand as hard as you can... "