Parkowanie roku - październik - YouTube

Parkowanie roku - październik - YouTube: ""



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Introductory Chemistry was taught at Duke University for many years by professor Bonk. One year, two guys took the class and did pretty well on all the quizzes and mid-terms--so much so that going into the final, they each had a solid A. These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week, despite the Chemistry final being on Monday, they decided to go to the University of Virginia to party with some friends. 

They did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers and tiredness, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they found professor Bonk after the final and explained to him how they missed the final. They told him they went up to the University of Virginia for the weekend and had planned to come back in time to study, but they had a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a spare. They couldn't fix it for a long time and were late getting back to campus. 

Bonk thought this over and agreed that they could take the final the following day. The two guys, elated and relieved, studied that night and went in the next day at the time that Bonk had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet. He told them to begin. 

They looked at the first problem which was something simple about morality and solutions; it was worth 5 points. "Cool," they thought, "this is going to be an easy final". They then turned the page. They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on it. The question contained only two words: (95 points) Which tire?

Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac? 

Father: Well Son, how are your exam results? 

Son: They're under water Father: What do you mean? 

Son: Below "C" level!

Three women worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, the boss left work early. One day, the women decided that when the boss left they would leave too. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early? The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, had some playtime with her son, and went to bed early. The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date. The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband. But when she got home, she heard a muffled noise coming from inside her bedroom. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss! Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house. The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead said they planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them. "No way," she said. "I almost got caught yesterday!"

A lady is walking down the street to work and she sees a parrot in a pet store. The parrot says to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! And she storms past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot in the window and the parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, she was incredibly ticked now. The next day see saw the same parrot and the parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager said, "That's not good." and promised he wouldn't say it again. When the lady walked past the store after work the parrot said to her, "Hey lady." She paused and said, "Yes?" and the bird said, "You know."

A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior chatting. 

"I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it." 

"When did you use this awful language?" asks the elder. 

"Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards." 

"Is that when you swore?" 

"No, Mother," says the nun. "After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away." 

"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Mother Superior again. 

"Well, no. says the nun. You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!" 

"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed elder nun. 

"No, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws" , it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball." 

"Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother Superior, becoming impatient. 

"No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sandtrap, rolled onto the green, and stopped about six inches from the hole." 

The two nuns were silent for a moment. 

Then Mother Superior sighed and said, "You missed the f---ing putt, didn't you?"

A first grade teacher explained to her class that she is a liberal Democrat. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were liberal Democrats, too. Not really knowing what a liberal Democrat was, but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands flew up into the air.  

There was one exception. A girl named Lucy had not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a liberal Democrat."  

"Then," asks the teacher, "What are you?"  

"Why I'm a proud conservative Republican," boasts the little girl. The teacher, a little perturbed and her face slightly red, asked Lucy why she is a conservative Republican.  

"Well, I was brought up to trust in myself instead of relying on an intrusive government to care for me and do all of my thinking. My Dad and Mom are conservative Republicans, and I am a conservative Republican too."  

The teacher, now angry, loudly says, "That's no reason! What if your Mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron? What would you be then?" The teacher paused and smiled.  

"Then," Lucy said, "I'd be a liberal Democrat."

One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.

She seems ok, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask.

"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart."

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up. 

"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?" 

"Wrong number," replied the girl.