Animal joke

"I'm in love with my horse," the nervous man told his psychiatrist. "Nothing to worry about," the psychiatrist consoled. "Many people are fond of animals. As a matter of fact, my wife and I have a dog that we are very attached to. "But, doctor," continued the troubled patient, "I feel, ummm... *physically* attracted to my horse. "Hmmm," the doctor asked, "Is it male or female? " "Female, of course! " the man replied. "What do you think I am... GAY??? "

Another blonde joke

A blonde and a brunette decide to start a farm together. They add up their life savings into a total of $200.00. Then, the blonde decided to purchase a bull with it. The brunette agrees, and so the brunette leaves to go find the perfect bull. When she does she is to telegram the blonde and tell her to come get it. Finally, the brunette find the bull of her dreams. The farmer says he wants $200 for it. The brunette, thinking she can get a better deal, says no to his offer. The farmer says, "Alright then, I'll give you a great deal, how about $199.00? "The brunette accepts and buys the bull. She has $1.00 left for the telegram. The telegram guy says, "It's $1.00 per word. " The brunette thinks about this and says,"Comfortable, write that. "Comfortable? " the guy questions. "Yes, you see she reads slow. "

This Is the Perfect Solution for Stopping Spam [Comic] - How-To Geek

This Is the Perfect Solution for Stopping Spam [Comic] - How-To Geek:

'via Blog this'

Farmer joke

A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder.

Credit card theft

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

The elderly

An eighty year old couple decide to try for a child. They visit the doctor who asks the old geezer to produce a sperm sample in a bottle. After two weeks, the couple return and the bottle is empty. "What's the problem? " asks the doctor. "Well," says the old man, "First I tried it with my right hand, then my left.
Then my wife tried it with her right hand, then her left. Then she tried it with her teeth in and with her teeth out, and we still can't get the lid off the bloody bottle. "

Good humor

The president got off the helicopter in front of the White House with a baby hog under each arm. The Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "Nice pigs, sir ".
The president replied, "These are not pigs, these are authentic Arkansas Razorback hogs. I got one for Hillary and I got one for Chelsea. "
The Marine again snapped to attention, saluted, and replied, "Nice trade, sir. "

Good chuckle

This guy arrives at the Pearly Gates. He has to wait to be admitted, while St. Pete leafs through his Big Book. He's checking to see if the guy is worthy of entry or not. Saint Peter goes through the books several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you did lots of good in your life but, you never did anything bad either. Tell you what, if you can tell me of one REALLY good deed that you did in your life, you're in. " The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Well, there was this one time when I was drivin' down the highway and I saw a Biker Gang assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on, and sure enough, that's what they were doing. There were about 50 of 'em torturing this chick. Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron from my trunk and walked straight up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the Gang formed a circle all around me. So I ripped the leader's chain off his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, 'Leave this poor, innocent girl alone, you slime! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'" St. Peter, extremely impressed, says, "Really? Wow, when did all this happen? " "Er.. about two minutes ago. "

Another blonde. Joke

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were robbing a supermarket when a police officer walked in the store. The three women decide to hide in three potato sacks. The cop kicks the first bag, and the brunette says, "meow ", the cop says, "oh, its only a cat "He kicks the second bag, and the redhead says, "woof, woof ". The cop says, "its only a dog ". He kicks the third bag, and the blonde says, "potato "

Travel humor

A Lady was on a business trip. Since she was so tense from all the meetings, she decided she would go to the roof of the hotel she was staying in and sunbathe to help her relax. She went to the top of the hotel, stripped down, and laid face down on the roof. After about an hour of sunbathing, she heard someone come on the roof. It was the manager of the hotel. He said, " Excuse me, miss, but do you mind sunbathing somewhere else? " "Why? ", asked the lady. " I'm on top of the hotel...nobody can see me! " " True ", the man replied, " But you are lying on the sunroof above the dining room. "