Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Old

Yo moma is so old she knew the Great Wall of China when it was just ok

Kid joke

Q: What did one math book say to the other?
A: Man I got a lot of problems!

Horse joke

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull. " Buddy didn't move. Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull. " Buddy didn't respond. Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Jennie, pull. " Nothing. Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull. " And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch. The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times. The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try! "

Border guard

While crossing the US-Mexican border on his bicycle, the man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the man had on his shoulders. "What's in the bags? ", asked the guard."Sand," said the cyclist."Get them off - we'll take a look," said the guard.
The Cyclist did as he was told, emptied the bags, and proving they contained nothing but sand, reloaded the bags, put them on his shoulders and continued across the border.
Two weeks later, the same thing happened. Again the guard demanded to see the two bags, which again contained nothing but sand. This went on every week for six months, until one day the cyclist with the sand bags failed to appear.
A few days later, the guard happened to meet the cyclist downtown. "Say friend, you sure had us crazy ", said the guard. "We knew you were smuggling something across the border. I won't say a word - but what is it you were smuggling? " "Bicycles! "