Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Q: What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

A: Nothing, it just let out a little whine.
A man walks into the toy store to get a Barbie doll for his daughter. So he asks the assistant, as you would, "How much is Barbie?" 

"Well," she says, "we have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00."

"Hey, hang on," the guy asks, "why is Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?"

"Yeah, well, it's like this....Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture..."
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.  

'Why, of course,' comes the reply. 

The first man then asks, 'Where are you from?' 

'I'm from Ireland,' replies the second man. 

The first man responds by saying, 'You don't say. I'm from Ireland too. Let's have another round to Ireland.' 

'Of course,' replies the second man. 

Curious, the first man then asks, 'Where in Ireland are you from?' 

'Dublin,' comes the reply. 

'I can't believe it,' says the first man, 'I'm from Dublin too. Let's have another drink to Dublin.' 

'Of course,' replies the second man. 

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks, 'What school did you go to?' 

'St Mary's,' replies the second man, 'I graduated in 1962.' 

'This is unbelievable,' the first man says. 'I went to St Mary's and I graduated in 1962 too.' 

About that time, one of the regulars comes in and sits down at the bar.  

'What's been going on?' he asks the barman. 

'Nothing much,' replies the barman. 'The O'Malley twins are drunk again.'
On July 20, 1969, as commander of the Apollo 11 Lunar Module, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon. His first words after stepping on the moon was, "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind," were televised to Earth and heard by millions. 

But just before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark, "Good Luck Mr Gorsky." Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or the American space programs. 

Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "Good Luck Mr Gorsky." statement meant, but he always just smiled. 

On July 5, 1995, in Tampa Bay, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question. This time Armstrong finally responsed. Mr Gorsky had died, so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question. 

In 1938 when he was a small kid in a mid west town, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit the ball which landed in the neighbor's yard by the bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr and Mrs Gorsky. As he leaned to pick up the ball, young Neil heard Mrs Gorsky shouting at Mr Gorsky, "Sex? You want sex? You'll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"