Barbie

Have You heard about the new Divorce Barbie Doll? It comes with all of Ken's stuff!

Stupid

Two Italian construction workers were in the field on an extremely hot day working.. the one says to the other "Hey, how come we do all a da work and he gets all a da money? " pointing to the supervisor. The other says, "I don't know, go ask him. " So Guido goes up to the supervisor and says "Hey, how come we do all a da work and you get all a da money? " The supervisor says "Intelligence ". Guido says "What is this intelligence? " The supervisor puts his hand on a tree and says "Hit a my hand as hard as you can! " Guido winds up and with all his might tries to hit the supervisors hand. Just as he almost does the supervisor pulls his hand away and Guido hits the tree! The supervisor says "That's intelligence ". Still smarting Guido goes back to his co-worker and his co-worker says "Hey, what did he say? " With a sheepish look on his face Guido puts his hand on his face and says "Hit a my hand as hard as you can... "

Lawyers

As Mr. Smith was on his death bed, he attempted to formulate a plan that would allow him to take at least some of his considerable wealth with him. He called for the three men he trusted most--his lawyer, his doctor, and his clergyman. He told them, "I'm going to give you each $30,000 in cash before I die. At my funeral, I want you to place the money in my coffin so that I can try to take it with me. "All three agreed to do this and were given the money. At the funeral, each approached the coffin in turn and placed an envelope inside. While riding in the limousine back from the cemetery, the clergyman said, "I have to confess something to you fellows. Brother Smith was a good churchman all his life, and I know he would have wanted me to do this. The church needed a new baptistery very badly, and I took $10,000 of the money he gave me and bought one. I only put $20,000 in the coffin. "The physician then said, "Well, since we're confiding in one another, I might as well tell you that I didn't put the full $30,000 in the coffin either. Smith had a disease that could have been diagnosed sooner if I had this very new machine, but the machine cost $20,000 and I couldn't afford it then. I used $20,000 of the money to buy the machine so that I might be able to save another patient. I know that Smith would have wanted me to do that. "The lawyer then said, "I'm ashamed of both of you. When I put my envelope into that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000. "

Understanding women

A man walking along a beach finds a lamp, picks it up, rubs it and this genie pops out. The genie says, "For releasing me I shall grant you one wish! "The man thinks for a minute, and says, "I want you to build a bridge to Hawaii. I'm scared of flying and tend to get seasick. "The genie replies, "My good lad, do you realize how much it will take to do that? First of all, it will cost millions just to hire the workers. Not to mention all the materials it will take. In addition, there would need to be countless rest stops and gas stations and it would interfere with shipping lanes. I'm sorry, but it just can't be done. Please choose another wish! "The man thinks for a minute, and says, "I want to be able to understand women. "The genie pauses for a moment and says -"So, this bridge you want...two lanes or four? "