Barbie

A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present. He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager "How much is that new Barbie in the window? "The Manager replied, "Which one? We have -'Barbie goes to the gym' for $19.95...'Barbie goes to the Ball' for $19.95...'Barbie goes shopping for $19.95...'Barbie goes to the beach' for $19.95...'Barbie goes to the Nightclub' for $19.95...and 'Divorced Barbie' for $375.00. "Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00, when all the others are $19.95? " Dad asked surprised. Simple... "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's House, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat and Ken's furniture. "

Fire fighters

There was a huge fire at a big city soda factory. The city company was losing ground and the owner was frantic. He told the fire department that he needed a secret formula in the safe that was in the center of the blaze, and he would give 10,000 dollars to the department that got the formula. An hour later no ground was gained and a mutual aid call was put out. When 12 departments couldn't subdue the blaze the owner saw this he raised the reward to 100,000 dollars. Suddenly a small town department drove their truck right into the fire and emerged 10 minutes later with the formula. When asked what they would do with the money one said,"Get them damn brakes fixed we figure. "

Old man on bench

An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying."Well," says the old fellow, "I just got married to a twenty-five year old woman. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast, and we have then have fun together laughing and relaxing. In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make fun together laughing and relaxing again. At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we relax more and enjoy ourselves. "
The policeman looks at the old man and says, "You shouldn't be crying! You should be the happiest man in the world! "
So the old man says, "I know! I'm crying because I don't remember where I live! "