Sunday, August 24, 2014

There where two snakes talking.  

The 1st one said 'Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until they're dead? Or are we the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite them and they are poisoned?'.  

Then the second Snake says "Why do you ask?"  

The 1st one replies: "I just bit my lip!"
A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. 

It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he helped the woman deliver the baby. 

The child did so, the mother pushed and after a little while, the doctor lifted the newborn baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath. 

The doctor then asked the 5-year-old what he thought of the baby. 

"Hit him again," the 5-year-old said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!"
I bet you don't know what day this is, said the wife to her husband as he made his way out the front door.  

The husband was perplexed, but was always a quick thinker: 

"Of course I do, my dear. How could I forget!?" With that, 

he turned and rushed to catch the bus for work. 

At 10 AM, the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red roses. 

At 1 PM, a foil wrapped, two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home. 

The husband was smug when he returned from work, satisfied that he had recovered what could have been a very bad situation.  

His wife was indeed surprised: "First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress!" she exclaimed, "I've never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!"
A woman was standing, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'