Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat.

It' s only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, ..go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$90,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000".

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. If it's really a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....He smiles and ask: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. 

"But, officer," the man began, "I can explain" 

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back." 

"But, officer, I just wanted to say" 

"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!" 

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." 

"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."
What's the definition of an accountant? 

Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.