Area Woman Finally Uploads All 12 Million Pictures Of Her Vacation To Europe On Facebook | The Onion - America's Finest News Source: "WINSTON-SALEM, NC—A laborious eight-month-long task came to an end for Facebook user Arielle Stevens on Monday, as the college junior finally finished uploading the more than 12 million photos she took during her “unforgettable” six-day vacation to Paris and Madrid last spring."
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Monday, November 19, 2012
Work humor
A man joins a big corporate empire as a trainee. On his very first day of work, he dials the pantry and shouts into the phone - "Get me a coffee, quickly! "The voice from the other side responded, "You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo? "No," replied the trainee. "It's the CEO of the company, you fool! "The trainee shouts back, "And do YOU know who YOU are talking to, you fool?! "No. " replied the CEO indignantly. "Good! " replied the trainee, and puts down the phone."
Frugal | Funny Clean Jokes
Frugal | Funny Clean Jokes: "Sven and Lena lived on a lake in Northern Minnesota.
It was near the end of winter, and spring was just beginning. Sven asked Lena if she would walk across the frozen lake to the general store to pick him up some tobacco.
“Sure, but I’ll need some money,” Lena said.
Sven thought for a moment and said, “No, with the weather warming up, I don’t know how thick the ice is. So just tell them to put it on my tab.”"
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It was near the end of winter, and spring was just beginning. Sven asked Lena if she would walk across the frozen lake to the general store to pick him up some tobacco.
“Sure, but I’ll need some money,” Lena said.
Sven thought for a moment and said, “No, with the weather warming up, I don’t know how thick the ice is. So just tell them to put it on my tab.”"
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Stairway to Heaven | Funny Clean Jokes
Stairway to Heaven | Funny Clean Jokes: "A redhead, brunette and blonde were on their way to Heaven.
God told them the stairway to Heaven was 1000 steps, and on every 5th step He’d tell them a joke. But, they must not laugh or else they couldn’t enter heaven.
The brunette went first and started laughing on the 65th step, so she could not enter Heaven.
The redhead went next and started laughing on the 320th step, so she could not enter Heaven either.
Then, it was the blonde’s turn. When she got to the 999th step, she started laughing.
“Why are you laughing?” God asked. “I didn’t tell a joke.”
“I know,” the blonde replied. “I just got the first one.”
Thanks, Marguerite"
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God told them the stairway to Heaven was 1000 steps, and on every 5th step He’d tell them a joke. But, they must not laugh or else they couldn’t enter heaven.
The brunette went first and started laughing on the 65th step, so she could not enter Heaven.
The redhead went next and started laughing on the 320th step, so she could not enter Heaven either.
Then, it was the blonde’s turn. When she got to the 999th step, she started laughing.
“Why are you laughing?” God asked. “I didn’t tell a joke.”
“I know,” the blonde replied. “I just got the first one.”
Thanks, Marguerite"
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Close Calls | Funny Clean Joke
Close Calls | Funny Clean Jokes: "It was a particularly tough football game, and nerves were on edge.
The home team had been the victim of three or four close calls by the officials, and they were now trailing the visitors by a touchdown and a field goal.
When the official made yet another close call in the visitors’ favor, the home quarterback blew his top. “How many times can you do this to us in a single game?” he screamed. “You were wrong on the out-of-bounds, you were wrong on that last first down, and you missed a clip in the first quarter.”
The official just stared. The quarterback seethed, but he suppressed the language that might get him tossed from the game. “What it comes down to,” he bellowed, “is that YOU STINK!”
The official stared a few more seconds. Then he bent down, picked up the ball, paced off 15 yards, and put the ball down. He turned to face the steaming quarterback. “And how do I smell from here?”.
"
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The home team had been the victim of three or four close calls by the officials, and they were now trailing the visitors by a touchdown and a field goal.
When the official made yet another close call in the visitors’ favor, the home quarterback blew his top. “How many times can you do this to us in a single game?” he screamed. “You were wrong on the out-of-bounds, you were wrong on that last first down, and you missed a clip in the first quarter.”
The official just stared. The quarterback seethed, but he suppressed the language that might get him tossed from the game. “What it comes down to,” he bellowed, “is that YOU STINK!”
The official stared a few more seconds. Then he bent down, picked up the ball, paced off 15 yards, and put the ball down. He turned to face the steaming quarterback. “And how do I smell from here?”.
"
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