A small boy is sent to bed by his father... 

[Five minutes later]  

"Da-ad..."  

"What?"  

"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"  

"No. You had your chance. Lights out."  

[Five minutes later]  

"Da-aaaad..."  

"WHAT?"  

"I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a drink of water??"  

"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"  

[Five minutes later]  

"Daaaa-aaaAAAAD..."  

"WHAT??!!"  

"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"

Three men were discussing at a bar about coincidences. The first man said, " my wife was reading a "tale of two cities" and she gave birth to twins" 

"That's funny", the second man remarked, "my wife was reading 'the three musketeers' and she gave birth to triplets" 

The third man shouted, "Good God, I have to rush home!" 

When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, " When I left the house, my wife was reading Alibaba and the forty Thieves"!!!

A blonde was going on a plane trip to New York. When the attendant came by and asked for her ticket, she told the blonde, 'I'm sorry. Your ticket isn't for first class. Could you please move to your seat." The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York." The attendant said, 'That's fine miss, but you'll have to go to your seat." The blonde responded again, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York." 

This conversation continued, always with the blonde's same response. The attendant got so upset that she went to the captain and told him about the blonde. The captain went and whispered something in the blonde's ear and the blonde immediately got up and went to her seat in coach. 

The attendant asked the captain how he got the stubborn blonde to move. He said, "I just told her that this part of the plane wasn't going to New York."