Why are dolphins cleverer than humans?  

Within 3 hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish!

A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill Gates, the Pope, and a pizza delivery man were all in a plane together aveling through stormy conditions. 

Suddenly, the pilot came running back to the passengers and announced that lightning had hit the plane, and they were going to crash in a matter of minutes. "There are only enough parachutes for four of the five of us," he announced. "Since I'm the pilot, I get one!" After saying this, the pilot grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane. 

"I'm the world's greatest athlete," proclaimed Michael Jordon. "This world needs great athletes, so I must live." Michael Jordon then grabbed a parachute and leaped out of the plane. 

"I'm the smarest man in the world," bragged Bill Gates. "The world needs smart men, so I must also live!" Bill Gates grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane. 

At this point, the Pope began to speak. "I have lived a long life compared to you, and you may take the last parachute. I will go down with the plane." 

"You don't have to stay here! The world's smartest man jumped out of the plane with my backpack."

Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm. 

Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat and went about his fishing. 

An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pantleg. 

Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms in his mouth...

One day, Harry and Sarah were having a petty argument. 

After shouting back and forth, Sarah finally says, "Let's make a deal. To end this argument, you admit that I am right and I will admit that I am wrong." 

Harry thought for a moment, agreed, and asked her to go first. 

Sarah replied, "I'm sorry Harry, I am wrong." 

In response, Harry shouts happily, "You're right!" 

Mortal: What is a million years like to you?  

God: Like one second.  

Mortal: What is a million dollars like to you?  

God: Like one penny.  

Mortal: Can I have a penny?  

God: Just a second.