Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.
Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.
Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me... I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't remember your name. I've thought and thought, but I can't recall it. Please tell me what your name is. "
Her friend glared at her.
For at least three minutes she just looked at her.
Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know? "

A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items. Near the cash register he saw a display of caps with "WWJD "printed on all of them. He was puzzled over what the letters could mean, but couldn't figure it out, so he asked the clerk.
The clerk replied that the letters stood for "What Would Jesus
Do ", and was meant to inspire people to not make rash decisions, but rather to imagine what Jesus would do in the same situation.
The man thought a moment and then replied, "Well, I'm damn sure Jesus wouldn't pay $17.95 for one of these caps. "

A Jehovah's Witness knocked on the front door of a home, and heard a faint,high pitched, "Come In ". He tried the door and it was locked, so he went around to the back door. He knocked again and heard again the high pitched "Come In ". As he entered the kitchen a large, mean, snarling Doberman met him. As he plastered himself against the wall he called out for help. Again, he heard the "Come In ". He slid down the wall to the living room to see a parrot in cage. He said, "For Pete's sake, is that all you can say is 'Come In'?! " The parrot laughed and said "Sic him! "