An Irishman, a Mexican and a redneck were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch  and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building." The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time for lunch, I am going to jump off too." 

The redneck opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time I'm jumping off too!" 

The next day the Irishman opened his lunchbox and sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps off the building. The Mexican opens his lunch box and sees burritos and jumps off too. The redneck opens his lunchbox and sees bologna so he jumps to his death. At the funeral, the Irishman's wife is weeping and says, "If I had known he was tired of corned beef and cabbage I would have never given it to him again!". The Mexican's wife also weeps and says, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much." Everyone turned and stared at the redneck's wife. "Hey, don't look at me" she said, "He makes his own lunch!"

Yo mama so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.

A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over. 

The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go." 

The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"

Q: What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

A: Nothing, it just let out a little whine.