Father Christmas:I like the story about the girl who steals from the rich and gives it all to Granny.
Elf: That's Little Red Robin Hood'!
Monday, December 3, 2012
Stupld
Christmas
Father Christmas: Excuse me, but did I step on your toes on my way out to get an ice-cream?
Lady: You certainly did!
Father Christmas: Oh good! That means I'm back in the right row!
Kids
Every Christmas morning, when my kids were little, I read them the nativity story out of the big family bible. When my son was old enough to talk, he asked me what a stable was. I thought for a moment how to explain it to him in terms he could understand, then told him, "It's something like your sister's room, but without a stereo. "
Optimistic
A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom and gloom pessimist. Just to see what would happen, on the twins' birthday their father loaded the pessimist's room with every imaginable toy and game. The optimist's room he loaded with horse manure. That night the father passed by the pessimist's room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly. "Why are you crying? " the father asked. "Because my friends will be jealous, I'll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I'll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken. " answered the pessimist twin. Passing the optimist twin's room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure. "What are you so happy about? " he asked. To which his optimist twin replied, "There's got to be a pony in here somewhere! "
Food humor
First boy: She had a beautiful pair of eyes, her skin had the glow of a peach, her cheeks were like apples and her lips like cherries - that's my girl.
Second boy: Sounds like a fruit salad to me.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Hunting
Mike and Pat went hunting. Mike saw a large goose fly by. He raised his rifle to shoot.'Don't waste your time,' Pat hollered.'The rifle is not loaded.'I can't wait,' Mike shouted back.'The bird will be gone if I take the time to load!'
Not a good thing to say to mom
The teacher was furious with her son. "Just because you've been put in my class, there's no need to think you can take liberties. You're a pig. " The boy said nothing. "Well! Do you know what a pig is? " "Yes, Mom," said the boy. "The offspring of a swine. "
Funny business signs and names
Funny business signs and names: "Perhaps nothing is more important when it comes to starting a business than naming that business. Something memorable and strong, which makes the customer feel confident in your ability to give them what they want or need. As far as that goes, all the businesses in this gallery completely failed. Really, we're sort of stunned at how any of these store owners would get past even thinking up some of these store names, let alone hire a sign-maker to fashion a sign for them while keeping a straight face. From ill-considered acronyms to unfortunate family names to just inappropriate, these stores and businesses were born under a bad sign."
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