What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer? A tick falls off of you when you die.

What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? A. Not enough sand.

Aha! Jokes: Funny Pictures - Internet Explorer.

Aha! Jokes: Funny Pictures - Internet Explorer.:

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Aha! Jokes > Animal Jokes > Dog Property Rules

Aha! Jokes > Animal Jokes > Dog Property Rules: "1. If I like it, it's mine.

2. If its in my mouth, it's mine.

3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.

4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

5. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.

6. If its mine, it must never appear to be yours anyway.

7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.

8. If I saw it first, it's mine.

9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.

10. If its broken, it's yours. "

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Aha! Jokes > Animal Jokes > Installing a Carpet

Aha! Jokes > Animal Jokes > Installing a Carpet: "A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes.

In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump.

''No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,'' he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump.

As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. ''Here,'' she said, handling him his pack of cigarettes. ''I found them in the hallway.''

''Now,'' she said, ''if only I could find my parakeet.''"

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One night at the dinner table, the wife commented, "When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller; You don't love me any more..." "Nonsense, darling," replied the husband, "you just cook better now."

This suave-looking Redneck, (ok, just pretend there is one) walks into a bar and sees a cute little rich girl who's had too much to drink. He says to her, "Hey, baby...whataya say we go back to your place and get it on! Lost in her drink, she replies -" Sure, why not! "They get to her place, and she lies on the bed and says," Ok, show me what you do best! ". Without delay, the Redneck rips off his jacket, -grabs her T. V., VCR, and purse and runs out the door!"

what do you do with a dog with no legs? Take him for a spin!

Blonde Convention : 80,000 blondes meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid Convention ". The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer? " A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15? " After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen! " Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance! " The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance. " So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5? " After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety? " The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened -- the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! " The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2? " The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four? ". Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream... "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! "

Indian Humor : The privilege of naming all the children of the tribe always fell to the chief. One day a small Indian boy asked him how he chose the names for all the children. "Well, my son," the chief replied, "When I step out of my tepee, I name each child after the first thing I see. "For instance, when a child is born and I step out of my tepee and see a pale moon rising, I say - you shall be called, Pale-Moon-Rising. "And when a child is born and I step out of my tepee and see a hawk flying over, I say - you shall be called, Hawk-Flying-Over. "So why do you ask, Big-Dog Pooping? "