20 Reasons Why Going To The Gym Is A Huge Waste Of Time

20 Reasons Why Going To The Gym Is A Huge Waste Of Time:

'via Blog this'

Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.

Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.

Yo mama's so grouchy the McDonald's she works in doesn't even serve Happy Meals.

Danny sets up Andy to go on a blind date with Shirley, a friend of his. But Andy is a little worried about going out with someone he has never seen before. 

"What do I do if she's ugly?" says Andy, "I'll be stuck with her all night." 

"Don't worry." Danny says. "Just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't, just shout Aaauuuggghhh! and fake an asthma attack." 

So that night, Andy knocks at Shirleys door, and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is. Andy's about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts, "Aaauuuggghhh!" 

A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette. 

When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country. 

After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,  

"Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!" 

She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,  

"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?" 

The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try. 

The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157." 

The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car. 

Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.  

"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

Husband: Every time I hit you, you never fight back. How do you manage your anger? 

Wife: I clean the toilet seat. 

Husband: How does that help? 

Wife: I use your toothbrush!

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads, "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.  

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."  

They start going up and on the first floor the sign reads, "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.  

The sign on the second floor reads, "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.  

They reach the third floor and the sign reads, "All the men here are tall and plain." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continue on up.  

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect. "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are about to go in when they realize that there is still one floor left.  

Wondering what they would be missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.  

On the fifth floor they find a sign that reads, "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod. 

There was a guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying.

The truck driver says, 'Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry.'

'No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss is outraged and fires me.

When I leave the building to go to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing.

I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.'

'I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar.

And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.'