Funny Jokes | Church Joke | Comedy Central

Funny Jokes | Church Joke | Comedy Central: "One Sunday morning, a little girl and her mother go to church. Halfway through, the little girl tells her mother she's going to be sick. Her mother tells her to go in the bushes behind the church. The girl leaves and comes back after about five minutes. Her mother asks her if she threw up.
''Yes," the girl says. "But I didn't have to go all the way 'round the back. There was a box near the front door that said 'For the Sick.'''"

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Funny Jokes | The Boss Joke | Comedy Central

Funny Jokes | The Boss Joke | Comedy Central: "One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, ''How much is the yellow one?''
The assistant says, ''$2000.'' The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive. The assistant explains, ''This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast.''
''What about the green one?'' the man asks.
The assistant says, ''He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes.''
''What about the red one?'' the man asks.
The assistant says, ''That one's $10,000.''
The man says, ''What does HE do?''
The assistant says, ''I don't know, but the other two call him boss.''"

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Funny Jokes | Birdman Joke | Comedy Central

Funny Jokes | Birdman Joke | Comedy Central: "Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'"
Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken."
Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?"
Mother: "Because we need the eggs.""

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Funny Jokes | Bathtub Anxieties Joke | Comedy Central

Funny Jokes | Bathtub Anxieties Joke | Comedy Central: "There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath. Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy.
"Can I touch it?"
"No way -- you already broke yours off!""

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Funny Jokes | ABC Joke | Comedy Central

Funny Jokes | ABC Joke | Comedy Central: "Wilfred had just learned his abc's and was very scared of doing them in front of the class. The teacher, though, told him that the best way to conquer his fears would be to just go ahead and do it. So, trembling, he stood in front of the class and began.
"ABCDEFGHIJLKMNOQRSTUVWXYZ."
"Very good, Wilfred. But you forgot the P. Where's the P?
"It's running down my leg.""

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Barbie

Have You heard about the new Divorce Barbie Doll? It comes with all of Ken's stuff!

Stupid

Two Italian construction workers were in the field on an extremely hot day working.. the one says to the other "Hey, how come we do all a da work and he gets all a da money? " pointing to the supervisor. The other says, "I don't know, go ask him. " So Guido goes up to the supervisor and says "Hey, how come we do all a da work and you get all a da money? " The supervisor says "Intelligence ". Guido says "What is this intelligence? " The supervisor puts his hand on a tree and says "Hit a my hand as hard as you can! " Guido winds up and with all his might tries to hit the supervisors hand. Just as he almost does the supervisor pulls his hand away and Guido hits the tree! The supervisor says "That's intelligence ". Still smarting Guido goes back to his co-worker and his co-worker says "Hey, what did he say? " With a sheepish look on his face Guido puts his hand on his face and says "Hit a my hand as hard as you can... "

Lawyers

As Mr. Smith was on his death bed, he attempted to formulate a plan that would allow him to take at least some of his considerable wealth with him. He called for the three men he trusted most--his lawyer, his doctor, and his clergyman. He told them, "I'm going to give you each $30,000 in cash before I die. At my funeral, I want you to place the money in my coffin so that I can try to take it with me. "All three agreed to do this and were given the money. At the funeral, each approached the coffin in turn and placed an envelope inside. While riding in the limousine back from the cemetery, the clergyman said, "I have to confess something to you fellows. Brother Smith was a good churchman all his life, and I know he would have wanted me to do this. The church needed a new baptistery very badly, and I took $10,000 of the money he gave me and bought one. I only put $20,000 in the coffin. "The physician then said, "Well, since we're confiding in one another, I might as well tell you that I didn't put the full $30,000 in the coffin either. Smith had a disease that could have been diagnosed sooner if I had this very new machine, but the machine cost $20,000 and I couldn't afford it then. I used $20,000 of the money to buy the machine so that I might be able to save another patient. I know that Smith would have wanted me to do that. "The lawyer then said, "I'm ashamed of both of you. When I put my envelope into that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000. "

Understanding women

A man walking along a beach finds a lamp, picks it up, rubs it and this genie pops out. The genie says, "For releasing me I shall grant you one wish! "The man thinks for a minute, and says, "I want you to build a bridge to Hawaii. I'm scared of flying and tend to get seasick. "The genie replies, "My good lad, do you realize how much it will take to do that? First of all, it will cost millions just to hire the workers. Not to mention all the materials it will take. In addition, there would need to be countless rest stops and gas stations and it would interfere with shipping lanes. I'm sorry, but it just can't be done. Please choose another wish! "The man thinks for a minute, and says, "I want to be able to understand women. "The genie pauses for a moment and says -"So, this bridge you want...two lanes or four? "

Disturbance Of Arafat's Grave Casts Horrible Curse On Middle East | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

Disturbance Of Arafat's Grave Casts Horrible Curse On Middle East | The Onion - America's Finest News Source: "RAMALLAH, WEST BANK—Experts familiar with the ancient prophecies warned Tuesday that by exhuming the remains of former leader Yasser Arafat, Palestinian officials had unleashed a horrible curse upon the Middle East, dooming the region to now begin centuries of bloody conflict"

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