A prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman, to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" 

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you." 

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?" 

She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him." 

At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!"

A prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman, to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" 

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you." 

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?" 

She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him." 

At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!"

A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?" 

His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life." 

The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.  

Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"  

The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."  

"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."  

The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."  

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.  

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"  

"No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.  

Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"  

The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."  

"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."  

The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."  

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.  

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"  

"No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"

Employer: "In this job we need someone who is responsible." 

Applicant: "I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

During a rock climbing expedition, an accident occurred, as some of the grappling hooks gave way. This left the eleven climbers clinging precariously to the wildly swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping on the Mountain. Ten were blonde, one was a brunette. As a group they decided that one of the party should let go. If that didn't happen the weight on the rope would cause more of the hooks to give way and everyone would perish. For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered. Finally the brunette gave a truly touching speech saying she would sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others. All ten blondes applauded.

6-Day Visit To Rural African Village Completely Changes Woman’s Facebook Profile Picture | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

6-Day Visit To Rural African Village Completely Changes Woman’s Facebook Profile Picture | The Onion - America's Finest News Source: "ST. LOUIS—Calling the experience “completely transformative,” local 22-year-old Angela Fisher told reporters Tuesday that her six-day visit to the rural Malawian village of Neno has completely changed her profile picture on Facebook."



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Top 5 Funniest Movies

Top 5 Funniest Movies: "Everyone has a different opinion of what they think is funny. Some things are funny at some times, and not funny at others. Of all the movies I have seen, these are my top 5 of all time. If you have not seen all of these movies, you should. It was hard to narrow it down to 5, but I didn't want to have the list too long. Check out my choices and let me know what you think, agree or disagree."



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