The 2013 Darwin Awards Are Out! | My Underwood Typewriter

The 2013 Darwin Awards Are Out! | My Underwood Typewriter: "Yes, it’s that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
Here Is The Glorious Winner:
1. When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked."



'via Blog this'

A priest and a nun are on their way back home from a trip when their car breaks down. They are unable to get it fixed, so they decide to spend the night in a hotel. The only hotel in the town has only one room available. 

Priest: Sister, I don't think the Lord would have a problem, under the circumstances, if we spent the night together in this one room. I'll sleep on the lounge and you have the bed.  

Nun: I think that would be okay.  

They prepare for bed and each one takes their agreed place in the room. Ten minutes later...  

Nun: Father, I'm terribly cold.  

Priest: Okay, I'll get you a blanket. (He does)  

Ten minutes later... 

Nun: Father, I'm still terribly cold.  

Priest: Okay Sister, I'll get you another blanket. (He does)  

Ten minutes later...  

Nun: Father, I'm still terribly cold. I don't think the Lord would mind if we acted as man and wife just for this one night. 

Priest: You're probably right...get up and get your own blanket.

Teacher: What is the formula for water?   

George: H,I,J,K,L,M,N,o Teacher: Is that the formula I gave you?   

George: Sure, you said H to O!

A young businessman rented a beautiful office and furnished it with antiques. However, no business was coming in. Sitting there, worrying, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wanting to look busy, he picked up the phone and pretended he was negotiating a big deal. He spoke loudly about big figures and huge commitments. Finally, he put down the phone and asked the visitor "Can I help you?"  

The man said, "I've come to install the phone."

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him." Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

Christian Humor: This doesn’t sound like any of us—does it? | For God's Glory Alone Ministries

Christian Humor: This doesn’t sound like any of us—does it? | For God's Glory Alone Ministries: "I don’t know about you but I can use some humor this morning as yesterday kind’a got to me with all the horrible news being reported about the death and abuse of children across our land and what is going on in Ukraine. A little Christian humor for us to start our Thursday! Can you relate?"



'via Blog this'

Open the f***ing door! (Да откройте же эту чертову дверь!) - YouTube

Open the f***ing door! (Да откройте же эту чертову дверь!) - YouTube: ""



'via Blog this'

What do you call a dog with no legs? 

It doesn't matter what you call him, he still won't come!

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead went to the water park to go down the water slide. An employee told them, "Did you know that the water slide is magical? When you slide down, shout out your favorite thing to drink, and you will land in it!" 

So the brunette went down the slide and shouted, "Lemonade!" and she landed in a big pool of lemonade. 

Then the redhead went down the slide and yelled out, "Root Beer!" and she landed in a large pool of root beer. 

But when the blonde went down, she forgot the rules, and yelled out, "Weeeee!" 

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."  

A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.  

Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type."  

The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer."  

The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect program, that worked flawlessly the first time.  

By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job."  

The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.  

The manager said, "Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual".  

The dog looked at the manager calmly and said "Meow".