Tuesday, September 4, 2012

51 days


51 DAYS : 51 DAYSA bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. 

The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days! " Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days! " Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days! " Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. 

She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jumps the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days! "The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the Cookie Monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes,

 "What's all the chanting and celebration about? The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together...the side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days! " 

Monday, September 3, 2012

Some jokes are funny, some are no-brainers | NewsChief.com

Some jokes are funny, some are no-brainers | NewsChief.com: "Insurance form one liners from a Toyota mailing list:"

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Duck joke


A Duck walks into a bar... : A Duck walks into a bar. 
Duck: You got any bread? 
Barman: No, sorry, we don't have any bread[After a few minutes]
Duck: You got any bread? 
Barman: Look, we don't have any bread[In a little while]
Duck: You got any bread? 
Barman: We don't have any F*****g bread![Some time later]
Duck: Got any bread? 
Barman: If you ask me if I've got any F*****g bread once more I'm gonna nail your F*****g bill to this bar...... 
Duck: You got any nails? 
Barman: NO! 
Duck: You got any bread? 

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Blonde joke

Blonde Convention : 80,000 blondes meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid Convention ". The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer? " A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15? " After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen! " Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance! " The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance. " So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5? " After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety? " The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened -- the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! " The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2? " The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four? ". Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream... "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! "

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Friday, August 31, 2012

Aha! Jokes > Fishing Jokes > Need fishing licenses

Aha! Jokes > Fishing Jokes > Need fishing licenses: "A couple of young fellers were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bush's jumped the Game Warden !!

Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods, and hot on his heels came the Game Warden.

After about a half mile the fella stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath and the Game Warden finally caught up to him.

"Lets see yer fishin license, Boy !!" the Warden gasped.

With that, the fella pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license.i||3galr3pr0duct|on0fa!h!a!j0k3s

"Well, son", said the Game Warden, " You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks !! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!"

"Yes Sir", replied the young feller," But my friend back there, well, he don't have one"..."

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Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Good joke

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up " said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet."Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot? " enquired the teacher with a sneer."Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself. "

Monday, August 27, 2012

Best NFC East Jokes; A Guy Walks Into a Bar

Best NFC East Jokes; A Guy Walks Into a Bar: "Ok sports fans. Its time to ramp up. Week four of the preseason is on us. And, well, who cares. Scrubs time. Time for the big bounce into the regular season. And with that, I thought I’d give you my rendition of open mic night in the NFC East. Post your best in the comment section. And here you’ll find the best NFC East jokes."

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Friday, August 24, 2012

Michael McIntyre: jokes and one-liners - Telegraph

Michael McIntyre: jokes and one-liners - Telegraph: "The star of Comedy Roadshow, Britain's Got Talent and the winner of the 2010 British Comedy Award for Best Male TV Comic, Michael McIntyre returns to the road for his third and biggest UK Arena tour to date. Here are some past examples of his humour."

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